So I'm continuing this shiz...
We broke up because my Mom knew that we're a couple. But at that time, I was really half-guessing that she was joking and I'm right. The day after we broke up, I'm seeing you at the hallway and your face is really gloomy. We chatted and he told me to choose; to choose between following the right way (broke up to agree with the decision of my parents) or just remain a couple and withstand all of the trials that'll come. Of course, I picked option number two.
FF to 3rd & 4th monthsary. We weren't okay at that time. IDK what happened. I really can't remember. But the fault was on me. I think. Okay... after our 4th monthsary, I made a reconciliation video. And the background music was "Upside Down" by 6 Cycle Mind and the video was composed of our pictures. At the end of the video I said I was sorry and that it would never happen again. You forgave me and we carried on.
After the 4th monthsary, we were really sweet. Like things got deeper. We started going to Lover's Lane and doing such... well, you name it. But after 2 weeks, he PMed me at Y!M and said, "Kailangan kita makausap bukas. Umaga. Aantayin kita." Of course, I sensed that something was really really wrong. But I just said, "Okay. Will meet you there." I thought that it was just some surprise because the day after was a 10 which means it is our 5th monthsary.
For our 5th monthsary, I came up with a date diary and I jotted there the memorable moments we had. But when we met on the day of February 10, we sat at the chair in front of the Grade School Office. He broke up me. The things that he said never really passed my ears. I expected that he would say that. It's as if things weren't normal anymore. Like I was hallucinating and my mind was spinning. I told him that it's okay with me because I respect his decision. I couldn't hold it anymore. I gave a stifled sob and told him that I should go upstairs. Tears started prickling down my cheeks. I was like a walking zombie. I entered the room and since I was seating at the back row and I arrived early, I really cried my heart out.
What went wrooong? Things were very very okay these past few weeks. Why? Did I lack something? And then again, I blamed myself. I questioned him and I didn't get a satisfying answer. I was never satisfied. He told me that he still love me and that it would be hard to erase. But life has to go on. It wouldn't stop to wait for me. I have to move on.
But d'you know what hurt me? Your post on Facebook. You were flirting with that girl. After a day that we broke up, you have the guts to flirt?! Maybe it wasn't just the day after we broke up, maybe your relationship started before without me knowing it. You told me that the reason on why you broke up with me was that you are getting tired of endless arguments. But for the whole February, we didn't even argued! That was some silly excuse yknow. Your details are lacking and I questioned every gap that I can see.
Don't know, my heart was ruined. Literally ruined. I didn't know how I survived. But thank God we have summer. I could mend all of my scars with that distance. But after we broke up, we were friends. I'm glad that we're friends. We still chatted but I couldn't contain it. I was half-hoping that there would be a third chance but there was none. You started falling in like with another girl in our batch and yeah, she's pretty and I guess she's better than me.
While I'm just here, watching you laugh and talk with her. I'm just gaping at you with watery eyes; making me want to rake my emotions and just give my heart a rest. I'm really tired of getting hurt but I guess I was used to its feeling 'till I got numb.
I cut the whole connection with you because I said that I want to move on and you said okay. That was fine with me. All throughout summer, I was finding comfort and appreciation. It's like there's still something missing and I was not contented. I started having a crush on LOL & K. But I guess that was all a rebound. I just want to feel that feeling when you're near with a boy. A little desperate as you may say.
So yeah, I guess I'm thankful that we're still friends today. But the connection changed and it's still awkward when I talk to you. I guess you hurt me too much. And that pain cost me too much trouble. That's when my previous name in my blog suited me. Yeah, my heart was annihilated. But now I guess I've moved on.
We were at the retreat and they told us to jot the things that we wanted to let go. Of course I put there, bitterness of the heart. And mmyeah, I promised myself that it would all be gone and that helped me to fully forget him.
I'm really thankful that I met you. You taught me things. Most especially to love. You opened my eyes to the real world and you made me feel loved, too. You helped me mature in so many ways. I'm sorry for all of the things that I've done. It doesn't really matter to you, does it? But yeah, thanks and sorry. I would never forget you as a friend. I would cherish our memories forever and ever.
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